The 4 Stupidest Complaints Against Valentine’s Day, Shut Down

Valentine's Day

The number of people who complain about Valentine’s Day—a holiday that celebrates love—is baffling. If you’re one of the few romantic people left, share this list of debunked complaints with your cynical friends.

They probably need a little ray of sunshine in their lives.

1. It’s a corporate holiday created by Hallmark to sell greeting cards

First of all, Valentine’s Day dates back waaaaay farther than Hallmark (watch this silly video from the history channel if you’re that concerned).

Second, if you’re suddenly all about boycotting corporations, you might want to target something a little more evil than one that makes crayons, greeting cards, and sappy movies.


2. It just reminds me that I’m single

Valentine’s Day is about love. If you’re single, take this day to celebrate the other things you love. Here’s a quick list to get you started:

• Your parents (or the people who raised you): Buy them cards, give them hugs, or simply send them a text that says “I love you,” because we all know you don’t tell them enough.

• Your friends: You know your BFF better than their significant other ever could, anyway. Buy him or her their favorite dessert, an inside-joke gag gift, or tell them you love them more than pizza, because we know you do, and that’s the strongest love of all.

• Your pets: They snuggle you when you’re home with the flu, they’re always happy to see you (even when you come home shitfaced), and they even love you after watching you do unspeakable things alone in the house. Give your cat an extra can of tuna or your dog a brand-new chew toy to show them how much you truly care.

• Pizza and ice cream: Who doesn’t love another day of the year where you have an actually valid excuse for eating pizza and ice cream and watching Netflix? Put on your favorite sweats and show that pizza the love!

• Yourself: How often do you take the time to really, truly love yourself? Make sure to take a moment this Valentine’s Day to look in the mirror and tell yourself, “Hey you, yeah you. You’re a sexy beast. A majestic unicorn. You are one of a kind and I love you.” *selffive*


3. You shouldn’t need a holiday to show your significant other you care

This one is at least partly true. You should show people you care about them all the time. Unfortunately, that just doesn’t happen.

Between the opposite work schedules and the errands and the petty arguments and the endless other obligations, you’re lucky you get to spend time together at all in this fast-paced world. Valentine’s Day is a great way to remind each other of your love, do something a little extra-special, and have that birthday-sex kind of lovin’. What’s wrong with that?

If you’re a couple who does spend every single day showering each other in love, here are a few ways to improve upon that golden relationship of yours on Valentine’s Day:

• If you give your SO a foot rub every night, maybe reserve that expensive organic Moroccan coconut massage oil for Valentine’s Day only.

• If you have romantic dinners with your SO all the time, maybe go somewhere extra special on Valentine’s day, such as somewhere twice as expensive, or a place with special sentimental value.

• If you tell your SO “I love you” at least ten times every day, tell them 20 times on Valentine’s Day.

• If you buy your SO chocolate and flowers and other gifts on a weekly basis, get them the extra-big box, bouquet, etc. on V-Day.

• If you have amazing movie-like-sex all the time, go at it even longer and harder (pun intended) on V-Day.

You get the idea.

And also, we should celebrate our lives every day, but we don’t. We do that on our birthdays. We should celebrate Jesus’ birth every day. But we don’t. We do that on Christmas. We should always look to improve ourselves, but we don’t. We do that at the beginning of the New Year. What the hell do you think holidays are for, anyway?


4. It creates unrealistic expectations

Sorry to break it to you, but you’re in charge of your own expectations. Expect love, not lavish gifts, and chances are you’ll have a better Feb 14th. Also, quit comparing yourself to others.

Just because Mindy’s boyfriend bought her a 2 Carat Shane Co. pendant for Valentine’s Day and your boyfriend bought you your favorite kind of doughnut doesn’t have anything to do with how much you love each other. Most of the time it’s the little, meaningful gifts that mean the most to us.

There you have it. Some retorts to the common Valentine’s Day complaints. However, if you’re a rain cloud on the Valentine’s Day parade and you’re still not convinced and don’t want to celebrate it—then don’t. It’s a free country. Just be a good person and quit your whining so other people can enjoy it. It’s one day of the year.

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